I’m not even going to write the word as I am sick of hearing it. But I am going to document my thoughts about the “lock-down” so far.
School closed last Friday, but it was the Wednesday preceding it that we were all eerily sat round a computer monitor, waiting for the news we were expecting. Rumours of Wales and Scotland shutting schools had started that morning, so we were all expecting school to be closed. Two weeks before the Easter holidays, then two weeks off for Easter, can’t say I wasn’t excited to be honest. All I could think of was extra time with my baby and time to do some sewing.
Very soon we were hearing that this wasn’t going to be done and dusted so quickly. While we still don’t know for definite, it is highly likely that school won’t be back this year (as in until September), SATs, A levels, GCSEs all cancelled. My class would have most to gain as SATs are most disposable, but how on earth people doing the “proper” exams must be feeling, I can’t imagine. Now, I was starting to feel frightened. This must be really serious if the government are choosing to make such an impact.
This whole thing went from 0 to 60 in a matter of days. I think the government must have realised that a bit of extra hand washing wouldn’t cut it. I went home that night and was physically shaking with an unbearable headache. Unprecedented, frightening – so unhealthy for many. My thoughts immediately turning to the children I know who will not get the solace they find for a few hours from their shitty home lives by attending school. So many children are behind already, this would do untold damage to their future.
A week on we are only just as a nation taking this thing seriously. I was livid last Friday, when the children who were self-isolating earlier in the week, returned to school, “because they didn’t want to miss their last day”. Firstly, they don’t know it’s their last day, secondly, they will have accelerated the infection to each other, to me and to the whole school. Yeah leaving Year 6 is a big deal these days, but how many of us as adults can look back and really remember more that a few minutes of your last day at school? I can only remember a few minutes of the whole year! The other thing that raised my anger levels were the lines of parents queuing to register as key workers (so their children could keep coming in) throughout the school day – weren’t they needed at work? Thank goodness by the time Monday came, all and sundry were shouting down the TVs “Keep your kids at home!” so we have only had real emergency childcare to cater for.
The weather in our first week at home has been unseasonably warm. It is absolutely glorious. So much so that it’s been a treat to be home in our garden. My gratitude levels are through the roof that we are here and not in our old house where sitting in the garden would have been unbearable. I am worried about the families that do live in houses like we used to. Thin walls, no escape from neighbours music, cooking smells. I used to sit on my sofa and hear people walk past the front of my house hocking up spit. I couldn’t bear it. The levels of stress for people living on top of each other will have reached unbearable heights now, and worse if the weather keeps us all indoors. Already so for families who don’t have an outdoors. I fear for trapped women. I fear for trapped children. Then as I write this, I am sure there are many trapped men too. I fear the death toll from this thing won’t just be from the virus.
Fear and anxiety are rife at the moment. Personally, while in my head I feel ok, my body has shown the signs of anxiety all week. Constant headaches, tension in my jaw, neck and back. My skin has erupted. I haven’t been able to do anything in a week stuck at home bar a bit of hoovering. My head can’t settle. I’ve clocked up far too many levels on Candy Crush. I feel like I’ve been permanently staring at my phone. I can’t stand the news; they’re really sensationalising everything. I don’t need to see people on their sick beds hooked up to breathing apparatus. I don’t need to hear “could”, “may”, “might” to scare me even further. Everything has turned on its head.
Things change on a daily basis. I fear the next step will be greater rules about leaving the home, as I think there are still too many people flouting the guidelines. I will hate it if the “daily exercise” allowance is ruled out. The shops continue to be out of lots of things, stockpiling continues, long queues to get anything. I’m starting to worry I won’t be able to get next months medication. I have watched far too many post apocalyptic films and dramas to handle this sensibly! I can imagine all the jolly rainbows we’ve been putting up flapping about…abandoned. My husband joked about whether I should take a baseball bat a la Lucille from The Walking Dead with me to Tescos… I am disproportionally tense.